Friday, 09 May 2008

• Let's Get Ready to C-r-r-r-r-umble!

  ClayFighter 63 1/3 is a bad game. Let's get that out of the way first. All those people who warned you about its stinted gameplay were right. That bratty neighbour who lived three houses down, the one who bought the game and then used it as a doorstop until he left for college? He was right. Those reviewers who panned it to shit, crying foul over its bad graphics, bad design, bad gameplay? They were right, too. Nostalgia may try to argue otherwise, but let's face it: a game as universally reviled as ClayFighter 63 1/3 can't be all that good. 

  That being said, it's a pretty good bad game. (Yeah, talk about an oxymoron.) But damn it, it's true. For all its shortcomings, for all its faults and quirks, for all its missed potential, I can't bring myself to hate ClayFighter 63 1/3. I know I should, but I don't.

  

  It might have something to do with my affection for its predecessors; it might be that I'm just blind to the bigger picture. Is the ClayFighter series just an odd little blip on the radar screen, as most of the video gaming world thinks? Or is there more to this franchise than meets the eye? Am I the only one who's rather charmed by these claymation fighters and their quirky 2D games? Or are there others like me, hiding behind the constant claptrap of blabbering pessimists, naysayers and critics?

  

  The ClayFighter series has always been about its main cast, and 63 1/3 is definitely no exception. There's series stalwart Bad Mr. Frosty, who's traded in his rebellious backwards baseball cap for a familiar purple top hat. There's newcomer Kung Pow, cooking show host turned personal bodyguard with a penchant for woks and meat cleavers. There's Houngan, a Jamaican witch doctor, T-Hoppy, a cyborg rabbit, Taffy, a former circus freak, and fan favourite Blob, an amorphous green glob armed with a dopey grin and a load of shapeshifting attacks.

  There's also a trio of hidden characters who can only be unlocked with cheat codes -- Dr. Kiln, the evil mastermind behind the game's admittedly weak plot, Boogerman, star of A Pick and Flick Adventure, and Sumo Santa, who you'll have to see to believe. Oh, and Earthworm Jim. Let's not forget him.

  

  Even more impressive than the ensemble cast is that other ensemble cast  -- the all-star voice cast featuring some of the biggest names in the business. Say what you will about ClayFighter 63 1/3, Interplay spared no expense in the audio department: Dan Castellaneta (of Simpsons fame), Frank Welker (Animaniacs, Transformers), Jim Cummings (Darkwing Duck), Tress MacNeille (Simpsons), Charles Adler (Swat Kats, TaleSpin) and Rob Paulson (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) bring the characters to life through uproarious audio snippets that breath life into an otherwise mediocre audio department.

  Perhaps the funniest of the lot is the inimitable Kung Pow, whose constant cries of "Chop Sueeeyyyy!" and "Wok attack!" are always good for a few chuckles. Sumo Santa does give him a run for his money, though. (I'm willing to bet this is the first -- and only -- time you'll ever hear "FLAB-ALANCHE!" out of your TV speakers.)

  

  Gameplay is a great hodgepodge of varied fighting styles. Borrowing liberally from the Street Fighter franchise, there's a three-level bar for super combos like in Alpha and a parrying system like in Street Fighter III. The game features a combo system similar to Killer Instinct, with names like "Itty Bitty Combo," "Girlie Combo," and "Triple Brown Betty Combo." 63 1/3 even features a varied selection of patented "Claytalities" that mock the popular Mortal Kombat attacks.

  Am I painting too pretty a picture? Perhaps. Keep in mind that ClayFighter 63 1/3 is a niche game for a niche market; it does nothing exceptionally well, but does everything pretty good, and with a unique charm that's hard to resist.

  

  Still, if there's one area where the game drops the ball, it's presentation. There's really no storyline, no cinematics, no narrative elements to bookend the action into a cohesive package. Beating all your opponents and defeating the final boss isn't nearly as rewarding as it should be, namely because your sole reward is a hastily-written outro and a long list of game credits. And that's it.

  Incidentally, a revamped, retooled version of 63 1/3 named ClayFighter: Sculptor's Cut did a lot to remedy those complaints. A Blockbuster rental exclusive (meaning it was never offered for sale, anywhere, to anyone), SC added an opening cinematic, some updated menu screens, and reworked character histories. More importantly, it squeezed in four extra characters that were left out of the original game due to time and memory constraints, the mysterious Lockjaw Pooch being the most notable.

  

  So, like any other fighting game, what you get out of ClayFighter 63 1/3 depends mostly on what you put into it. If you scoff at the game's sometimes sketchy production values and resign yourself to button-mashing, you won't have much fun. Conversely, if you take a peek at Gamefaqs.com, check out the moves list for your favourite fighter, and experiment a little, you'll soon be dishing out high-flying attacks and monstrous combos that'll leave the competition reeling. And, truth be told, you might even get a few giggles out of it.

  ClayFighter 63 1/3, Retro-Playback salutes you.

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